Jersey City's Light Horse Tavern Sucks (but dessert somewhere else didn't!)

Adam and I went out for dinner on Saturday night to Light Horse Tavern.  He had been there before for drinks with friends, since they have a pretty extensive beer menu, but I'd been wanting to try it for a while.

I will probably never try it again.  Here is why, adapted from my Yelp review.

There are different expectations for meals at different price ranges, and there should be.  This should always be taken in consideration when you pay more than $70 and leave, feeling like you just got fucked over.  While Light Horse Tavern's was nothing compared to that time at Crapplebee's, it was on par.  The service at a restaurant with $30 plates shouldn't even be allowed the comparison.

When we got there, it was kind of crowded.  I mean, they had a lot of empty tables that I assumed they were holding for reservations.  The hostess asked if we had reservations, we did not, and then she started talking to another staff member next to her about where to seat us.  The length at which she talked about it and her general confusion and frazzled behavior made it really awkward.  She asked if we wanted this even more awkward two person table in between her hostess counter and the bar, in direct way of all other seating, and we declined.  She said something about how a lot of people had reservations - great, who cares?  It's not like we were panicked or in a rush - and Adam actually got so annoyed he wanted to leave, but didn't say anything until later.

We were seated outside and left there for at least 15 minutes.  A runner, who looked like he could have been a waiter, walked by and did not bring us water or anything.  Table Two shows up, sits behind us, and then the waiter appears and asks for their drink order first.  Okay, no.  He also spends his time shooting the shit with them, talking about specials and what not, and then makes his way over.  We order our drinks and our entrees, and he does not mention the specials to us and is generally unfriendly.

Table Three is seated in front of us, and the same runner who ignored us, brings them water.  I was the only non-white person sitting outside, and I jokingly (or was I?) said to Adam that maybe he was racist.  Table three then receives an entire loaf of bread, while our table and Table Two have nothing, even though we've both been there longer?  When we finally get some bread, we have four slices total.  When I tell you Table Three received an entire loaf, I am not kidding.

This is what theirs looked like, after they had each eaten at least once slice.

This is what ours looked like when we had each eaten one piece.

Our entrees were taking a really long time - so long that the waiter came over and said how he was going to check on why our food was waiting so long (Crapplebee's deja vu). Table Two and Three ordered appetizers after we ordered our entreees, by the way, and were in the middle of eating and/or finishing them, as seen by the man nibbling at his steak tartare.  The waiter comes back and says our entree are next on line.

Then they come out the exact same time as both Table Two and Three.  So.... you're a liar then, guy?  The timing does not make sense, and I'm annoyed by his lie.  And by annoyed, I mean fuming.

I ordered the grilled bronzini with pine nut butter and broccolini, fennel, tomatoes and potatoes.   It was cooked well, but could have used some salt and pepper.  I know they used lemon juice to season it because I bit into a lemon seed.

Adam got the bacon-wrapped meatloaf, loved it and said the bad service was forgiven once he bit into it.
I did not have the same feelings.

Some people love dining out.  I live in fear of experiences such as this.

Dessert, on the other hand, was a pleasant experience at Tommy Two Scoops.  How wrong can you go with gelato?  Adam had the Oreo, and I had the watermelon.  Below is an example of the speed at which we both eat.

Scene 1: Restaurant

A friend and I were recently talking about how we do not understand why people choose to share bad, not happy and/or surprise news in public places, restaurants in particular.  We were specifically talking about choosing a restaurant as the location, not when it happens to be the location by accident.  Her parents are getting a divorce, and she said they wanted to talk it out over dinner.  Declined.

I was out to dinner with another friend, and he dropped a little fact that he would be moving across the country before the end of summer.   While this was happy and exciting news, it was done in a way that still leaves a terrible taste in my mouth when I think about it.   The news was only let out by accident, and it was let out in front of people I have seen less than ten times in the nine years I've known him in some West Village pizza place with annoying children as the background noise.

Maybe I am just selfish and thought that after years of friendship, news this big would have been shared in a different manner, or maybe Scene 1: Restaurant is just tacky as hell.

Kids in Restaurants.

Hate 'em.

Crapplebee's

I will never again step foot in an Applebee's.   For a synopsis of my experience from hell, please refer to my Yelp review, otherwise, let's let it rip.

Before last week, I would have easily said I loved Applebee's.  I don't know why, especially every time I saw their Oriental Chicken Salad on the menu I gagged a little, but I did.  It was a love affair, full of highs and lows - the highest when I went around my birthday two years ago, and when the waitress carded me, noticed my birthday had just passed, and brought out dessert and a singing crew.  The lowest (and last) happened last week.

If you think I did not write my server's name down, you're wrong.  Sometimes people need to be held accountable, and I want to be able to prove my traumatic experience actually happened. 

Let me first start off with what I believe is the absolute bare minimum for a 20% tip, or what I will refer to as

Jennifer's Restaurant Rules:

1. Take the drink orders within the first ten minutes of seating, or have anyone, anyone at all, bring over some water.
2. Bring all courses to the table in a timely manner, and if they can't be brought in a timely manner - make up an excuse and/or acknowledge that I'm fucking starving and that the wait is ridiculous.
3. Ask how the food IS, while I'm eating it and offer to refill the beverages, or better yet, bring a new glass before I have to ask.

That is it.  I should say I've never waitressed, but I've worked a job long enough to know that the bare minimum is not too much to ask for.  Apparently, sometimes it is, and then I have to lose my shit.  And by lose my shit, I mean give you a shitty tip.  The only time I ever remember not tipping was when I was in high school when the waiter at TGIFriday's was horrendous and the manager had to be called.  I would be lying if I said it does not make me even angrier to know I have to leave you a tip at all. 

Anyway, back to the meal.  I'm sitting at the table and I'm parched.  Restaurant Rule #1 has been broken already.  We placed our orders and waited patiently for our wonton tacos.  Over half an hour passes, and I'm already scanning the room for our waitress.  She is nowhere to be found, as in there is no way she has been in the dining area for at least half an hour.  She appears eventually, from the back, with what looks like her manager, who looks like he may have received some under the table goods, if you know what I'm saying.  She approaches the table in front of us, to take their orders, notices I'm still looking around the room and says the appetizers are on the way.

They show up, cold as hell.  In fact, after looking over their menu online, nothing on their appetizer menu is served cold.  Fail.  You'd think because the appetizer showed up so late, and so cold, the entrees (the fish and chips for Adam, and the cowboy burger NO cheese for me) would be right up.  Wrong. 

Without me even scanning the room this time, the waitress says the entrees are taking long because they accidentally put cheese on my burger and had to make a new one.  Oh, okay, she is applying half of  Restaurant Rule #2 to improve her chances.  I'm reconsidering my feelings about her and this restaurant.

I don't eat a lot of burgers - in fact, I don't eat a lot of red meat, so I was excited.  That is, until I saw my burger.  Do you know what something looks like when melted cheese is pulled off it?  It looked like my fucking burger.  It looked like what the McDonald's Filet-O-Fish looked like that one time I got it with cheese, and I had to pull it off, except that cost me $3.00.  I've talked enough about my disdain for most cheese, especially MELTED cheese, in this blog and in real life, so it should be pretty fucking clear I was pissed off and disgusted.

I hacked off the melted cheese bits with a fork and proceeded to eat my medium rare burger, even though I ordered it medium well, until I was too pissed to eat it anymore.

Two words: Never Again.

I should add that I was contacted on Yelp about my review by a marketing representative from Doherty Enterprises, the 12th largest franchisee in the US, to help rectify the $36.66 nightmare I had to endure.  One of the few good things about big companies, chains and/or corporations, is what their management and customer service will do to keep you a part of their machine.  Too bad you can't buy me off this time, bitches.

I responded today with the following:

Hi Jerry,
While it is nice of you to contact me, I am not interested in speaking to the Area Director, as I have no intention on returning to this particular Applebee's ever again, or any Applebee's for that matter.
Perhaps if "WOWing" your guests is of great interest, the current servers at the Jersey City location should learn that lying to their customers and being absent from table service for half hours at a time is probably the worst way to go about it.

Thank you,
Jennifer

Moral of the story: You do NOT want to mess with this.

Vic's Pizza!

Adam and I took a drive down to the beach this past weekend.  Perhaps I've spent too much time in the Northeast and too little at the Jersey Shore to realize that we are not known for seafood and that I should no longer equate the ocean with seafood, or at least when it comes to New Jersey.   We settled on Vic's Pizza in Bradley Beach, just on how it looked from the outside.

I still stand by what I said about pizza, and how it's mostly disgusting and a thick congealed mess, but this is pizza done perfectly right.  This was an amazing mini-pie.  Sometimes when you order a mini-pie from a regular pizza place, it's even worse than the regular pizza.  Totally not the case at Vic's, where they do thin crust pizza, make their own sauce and their own dough.  

The mini-pie below is their special with cheese, sausage and peppers.  Adam has already suggested going back in the next few weeks.

And I got my seafood.  Mussels over linguine, scampi style.  So much garlic, so amazing.  Linguine was a little bit more cooked than I would have preferred, but I'd order this again, and I probably will.