THANK GOD

1. I dropped my iPhone in the toilet at work the other day and broke them shits.  I brought it into the bathroom even though I was just peeing, and then accidentally knocked it into the toilet while I was flushing.  So yes, I had to dunk my hand in urine before pulling it out.  The saddest part of this whole thing were the food pictures I lost on my phone from the Korean BBQ buffet place :(  The best part of this whole thing was the fact that Adam's dad gave me an early birthday/Christmas present and offered to pay for the replacement phone.   BOOYAH!

2.  Now, Top Chef.

THERE IS A GOD BECAUSE PAUL QUI WAS RIGHTFULLY CROWNED TOP CHEF, MOTHERFUCKERS.

how cute is this viewing party?

I love you, Paul Qui.

On Watch What Happens Live afterwards, Andy Cohen showed a screen shot of Paul crying (not the same picture above) next to a shot of his father crying.  It was so amazing that I had to rewind it three times to soak it in.

Sarah, you suck.  Forever.  Fuck you and fuck your pasta.

Top Chef: FINAL TWO

WHY?!?!??!?!

There has already been such a great amount of disappointment today that I can honestly say I was fucking even more upset when Sarah continued on in her journey to torture the Top Chef fanbase.  Icing on the cake?  The fact that she said something along the lines of, "I always knew it would be me and Paul in the final two."

GET FUCKING REAL, SISTER.  Honestly, are you that delusional?

The only perk is knowing (praying) that she never wins the competition.  This will be like the season with Richard Blais, Stephanie Izzard and that other person, Lisa (I had to wiki her because I've blocked her from my memory. Lisa was a freak finalist, and that's exactly what Sarah is.  Deuces, son.  PEACE.

Also, for someone who hated so hard on someone for cooking only Asian food, she sure makes a lot of goddamn pasta and sticks to what she knows too.

Shut up, go away, and never show up on my television again, other than the reunion where Andy Cohen somehow makes you cry.

Top Chef: THE FINAL FOUR

Of course, Sarah took the spot in the final round.  She admits she never won a quickfire and this was the one to win!  Fuck off.  Way to earn it.

And Paul Qui!!!!   Totally the champion.  I actually shed a tear when he bawled at the sight of his mentor.  On Watch What Happens Live, they showed a still of his face at peak cry-your-eyes-out and it was amazing and I had to rewind and pause it to really soak it in.  You win the car, you earn a spot, you are the fucking man.  

http://blog.chron.com/tubular/2012/02/top-chef-texas-makes-everybody-cry/

Beverly, while you drive me nuts with your "Please pray for me, Jesus" face and alligator tears, you did it, girlfriend.  Suck a nut, Sarah and Heather.  If you win, my mom will text me something, "Jennifer, did u know a Korean American wuz on Top Chef! On the Korean papers! <:" in your honor.

Get it done.

Paula Deen and Top Chef

I've never been a fan of Paula Deen - her personality or her food - and her announcing that she has diabetes was one of the first things I heard this morning on the radio.  That, and something Anthony Bourdain said about her diagnosis/announcement.
"When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you've been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you've got Type 2 Diabetes... It's in bad taste if nothing else. How long has she known? I suspect a very long time. 
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Now, to Top Chef: Texas.  Can someone tell me when the women became so incredibly catty and disgusting to one another?  Because it's fucking embarrassing to watch.  Straight up embarrassing.  Heather's out for the count (thank god), and now we have Sarah to take her place.  As much as I can't stand Beverly and her personality, to shit on her for the sake of shitting on her and speaking to her like a child is painful to watch.  And she TAKES IT, which is almost as terrible and painful.   

From Hugh Acheson's blog, Lindsay chooses to explain her dish to Beverly in the fastest speech ever seen. Beverly understands none of it. Beverly begins to fight back at Sarah and then says, “I’m sorry,” like a sad puppy. 

Also, why are they ALWAYS crying?!  Is there one fucking episode where one of them is not crying about something? Get it together.

Sarah Grueneberg, you suck. 

Also, I noticed that the Fan Favorite is currently Malibu.  Really?  I had said to Adam early on that he was chosen to fulfill the role as the "good looking one" even though he looked like he was from a 1990's boy band.  And please, hands down, the best looking chef that has ever graced Top Chef is and will always be Sam Talbot.